Ever heard someone say,”…so-in-so is great, but I’m just not happy?”

Or have you ever wondered why you just couldn’t seem to find happiness? Read on to learn how you can choose to be happy.

Happiness is something you have to “choose” to be. A person could have all the money in the world, and still be unable to acquire what it is they really want, and ultimately remain unhappy. A person could be surrounded by all their friends and loved ones, and still be lonely. And, a person could have to eat bugs to survive, in a cold, wet prison cell, and still be happy to eat those bugs, and happy to be alive.  This person has gratefully accepted their surroundings, and has found some good or greater meaning in it, making the experience more pleasurable. This person chose to be happy with what they had, by being mindful of the moment, recognizing the potential it may have.

Getting into the habit of being happy is easy. The first step is learning to appreciate your blessings, seeing the good or greater meaning of things. This requires that you become more aware of your five senses. How else could the smell of freshly baked cookies cheer up your woefully dreary day? How else could the faint sound of your sleeping child’s breathing ease you into your own peaceful resting state? We need to use our senses to become more aware of our surroundings, and accept them. It’s then that we can change our surroundings to become more pleasing to us. This could include some small, but significant changes, like placing candles by the bathtub, or buying a special lamp for your reading area.

Scientific research suggests that colors play an important role in one’s moods. Light green and orange seem to make people feel happier, whereas red makes them feel hungry. Many people have been hiring interior decorators as part of their strategy for feeling better, as interior decorators have studied colors, patterns, layouts, etc., and they use these factors to create a comfortable living area, tailor-fit to your needs. Just remember to research your interior designer, and be frugal. The positive effect that redesign brings, needn’t be boggled down by guilt from over-doing it. The idea is to do things that make you feel good. It won’t make you feel good if you overspend, or overindulge. But it will make you feel good if you shopped around, and you got the best deal, completely fitting all your needs.

Again, awareness is the key to happiness. After you have become aware of yourself and surroundings, you can choose to be appreciative and happy.

I need to mention my source of happiness and that is Jesus Christ.  For 51 years I lived on the other side of the tracks.  Seeking happiness in all of the wrong places.  Once I bowed my knee to Jesus life began to change for the better.  I stress began because after 51 years it did take some time.

Friends, money, drugs, alcohol, sports, entertainment is only fleeting.  But, a relationship with the savior is ever lasting.

Sorry for  the missed blogs.  As some of you know I have lost my wife of 51 years and some days it is hard to do anything.

Hoping this helps,

larry@contentedaging.com

http://christiansingleagain.com

Believe me friends, you can bounce back from hard times.  It is the nature of living that we will sometime  and sometimes many times experience hard times. Let’s look at ways we can paddle through the rough stuff and move on to an enjoyable contented life.

“Remember When?”

Life happens. It doesn’t matter how positive an attitude you have or how balanced and centered you are, there are going to be times when you are knocked down. Times when your carefully organized life is turned upside down and you get knocked on your rear end. Life happens.

You will no doubt experience serious illness in either yourself or someone close to you. You may be challenged with the loss of a loved one, a divorce or perhaps the loss of a job or any number of situations that will leave you feeling like you were kicked in the stomach.

Let’s face it. These things will happen. They’re part of life and no matter how you try to explain them away with the idea that, “everything happens for a reason,” they hurt. A lot! They hurt at the very core of your being. The pain begins in your heart and radiates throughout your entire being. Repeating positive phrases does not make it stop hurting.

At times like these, you’re going to feel down, even depressed. You probably feel anger or some other manifestation of your pain. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s ok. It’s ok to feel hurt, sad, angry or whatever your true feelings are. You cannot deny pain any more than can deny fear. The only way through either of them is to give yourself permission to feel the feeling.

The question is not whether or not you will feel down. The question is for how ling will you stay in this state?

The difference between people who get through life’s challenging moments, regardless of the seriousness, and those who are immobilized by the events is what I call the “Bounce factor.”

How quickly can you bounce back? Of course, the severity of the event will have a lot to do with the time it will take you to get past the pain and on with your life.

Take the example of two people being downsized from their high technology jobs, something that is becoming a natural occurrence these days. One, whom we’ll call John, is floored by the news of his dismissal. He expresses his pain by becoming angry at the company, his co-workers and the system in general. He spends his days telling anyone who’ll listen, about his “problem.” Usually from a bar stool.

As he sees it, his life is ruined and he’s blaming everyone for his troubles. People who react like John spend weeks, even months, wallowing in despair until, if they’re fortunate, someone close to them convinces them to seek professional help.

Mary, on the other hand, reacts much differently. Although she has gone through the same experience as John and has pretty much the same issues like living expenses, etc., she chooses to react differently.

After a brief period of feeling a loss of self-esteem, self-pity and anger, Mary decides to get back in the game. She begins contacting her network of colleagues and co-workers, avails herself of the outplacement services her former employer offered everyone and starts actively looking for a new position. In a short time, Mary finds her “dream job” with an exciting new company.

While both people in our hypothetical example Had the same experience and both went through a period of hurting, the time each allowed themselves to remain in that dis-empowering state was vastly different. While John remained “stuck” in his problem, Mary handled her loss and moved on with her life.

This is the key. It’s not whether life occasionally puts you into a tailspin, it’s how long you remain there.

When something devastating happens to you, allow yourself some time to grieve your loss, however, don’t allow yourself to get stuck there. Take some action. Join a support group, talk about your feelings with a trusted friend or your spiritual advisor. If necessary, seek professional help.

One of the most important things to remember in high stress situations is not to allow yourself to isolate. While spending some time alone is normal, even necessary, isolation can be dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. Get out and be with people as soon as possible. As a friend recently reminded me, “life is for the living.” It’s important to get back to your life. In time, the pain will pass. No, but it will be less often.

My source of bouncing back has been my trust and faith in Jesus Christ. The same things happen to everyone just different circumstances.  Jesus can and will give you the peace to overcome any life difficulty.

Hoping this helps,

larry@contentedaging.com

http://christiansingleagain.com

Hi Friends,  Sometimes we just have to dig down deep and find ways to motivate ourselves.

Just as willpower is an essential factor in achieving success, at some point in time, discouragement and lack of motivation may hinder you from reaching your objective. And it is up to you, and you alone to devise techniques that will help you keep that drive within afire.

It is helpful to have visual goals. whatsoever that is you are working towards, make it visual. It maybe something material like a car, or a vacation you have been looking forward to for the longest time.

Take or cut out a picture of it and post it at a conspicuous place at work or at home where you can see it often. So that when you feel discouraged, this will remind you of your goal and will help you keep your spotlight.

Make a contract with oneself. According to motivational researches, people who write down to-do-lists are far more triumphant in achieving their intended goals than those people who just keep mental lists instead.

Putting something in writing somehow makes it more powerful psychologically speaking. This may also be the basis why most cultures have such a high regard in honoring contracts. In the contract, you may also include a certain reward that you will give yourself once you have accomplished the task.

After all, everyone likes to be rewarded for completing a good job. Even a simple pat on the back, “good job”, or “thank you” may do the trick to give the person the additional push to carry on, but unfortunately, these may not always be readily available. Considering that these are also essential in keeping oneself motivated, you must learn to find a way to get that encouragement on your own through pleasing yourself.

Abusive people lower your self-esteem and bring you down. Get these negative people out of your life. Surround yourself with positive people. Imitate their example. Smile amply and think happy thoughts.

These will give you a brighter outlook and lets you see a clearer picture of what you really want and a fresh mind to know what steps to take to get there. Rather than wait for things to happen, try to be proactive and MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. Inactivity idles the brain and stagnates your potential to reach your goals.

Read inspirational books and literature. These will help you improve your attitude and heal your mind. A book of success stories also proves to be encouraging. You will not only learn from others’ experiences and derive confidence boosting insights from them but the story will be instrumental in motivating you to go for your goal and move ahead with your plans. If this still seems to falter, get training or education.

Oftentimes, not knowing how or where to start is frustrating. Knowledge is power. Having a clear understanding of how and where to start is empowering and it will provide the extra drive needed to hit the mark you are aiming at and follow it through.

Having enumerated all these tips and tricks to attain self-motivation, but still you seem to feel lacking that much needed drive, there is one last thing that you must try.

Whatever it is that you have been meaning to do, or wanting to achieve, JUST DO IT! Keep on aiming high and go for it! Actually getting your hands dirty best solves the problem of motivation. By “forcing” yourself to just do it, your momentum will pick up gradually as you go along and before you know it you have finished the task or have finally achieved your goal. Divide and conquer is the key.

Break down the apparently unattainable activity to small doable steps. Not only does it become less overwhelming, but seeing the “in the meantime” results will further your confidence that it can indeed be done.

Lack of motivation happens to us all, but if you do not encourage yourself to accept opportunities and be challenged, no one else will. It is most important to keep your eye on the goal, find ways to keep going, and in no time, you shall reap its benefits.

And if at the beginning you were just doing it for the material reward, you will also learn to realize that the fulfillment, satisfaction and self-achievement you derive from reaching your goal is a much enjoyable high that will keep the drive within constantly burning.

Hoping this helps,

larry@contentedaging.com

Hi Friends, we all know that stress undermines contentment.  The effects of stress on our health are documented, so lets try these 13 steps to relieve stress in our lives.  Leading to a happier contented life for us and for those around us.

Your ears might have heard countless number of times “do this… and get away from stress,” or, “do that…, and you will be totally relieved of stress,”turning you even more stressed out!!

…Stop scratching your head over what to be or what not to be done. I have compiled a definite set of action plan to cope with stress in life. I have tried it in the past and it really helped. In fact, I have used them time and again.

This might help you as well, simply read on.

1. Beware of your own warning signs. For, this could just be a sudden feeling of anxiety.

2. Consider what is really causing stress to you? You may be surprised to find the fact.

3. Think over what you could do to change the things. Find out how much of stress is indeed caused by you?

4. At times, due to excessive stress we fall into vicious trap of not eating properly and go to ill practices such as smoking and drinking to further worsen the situation. Instead, you should try and eat a balanced diet.

5. Eat complex carbohydrates rather than refined ones. This will really help you cope with mood swings.

6. Eat plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables and keep sugar and salt intake low.

7. Drink plenty of water, it will rehydrate your body. Try to keep caffeine consumption to the minimum.

8. Avoid nicotine or any other self prescribed drug.

9. Don’t feel guilty about including a period of relaxation every day. We all need to turn off from time to time.

10. Do something that is creative and helps you relax. Say, listen music, do yoga, meditate, enjoy aromatherapy or any other stress busting exercise.

11. Learn to be more assertive and try to manage your time properly.

12. You can even consider attending a stress management training course.

13. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

These are certain steps that can truly help you cope with stress. It will work wonders for you. The choice is yours, if you wanna live with stress or acquire any of these good points to mar the stress out of your life.

Hoping this helps you lead a more contented life,

larry@contentedagaing.com

Hi Friends, Merry Christmas

Here finally is the Part II of the Black Hole folks.  Nothing infuriates me more that the victim driven people that feel like they have been dealt a bad card hand in life.  My life began in a one room cabin in a boat yard.  My parents then moved on to a row house on dead end street and it was downhill.  We had to walk up hill every day just to get even.

All I can say is identify those black hole folks and isolate yourself from them. As I said they will suck you in and drain you dry and in the end spit you out a drained useless human being.

3: A Changing Environment

In today’s fast moving society it is difficult if not impossible to avoid change. Changes challenge our paradigms and tests our flexibility, adaptability and alter the way we think. Changes can make your life difficult and may cause stress but, if it’s inevitable, you must accept it, don’t fight it and in time find ways to improve your life. Try to manage change and try to avoid multiple changes at the same time. If a particular change can’t be avoided welcome it.  Change will be with us forever, we must learn to live with it.

4: Past Experience

We all carry “baggage” – past experiences which have moulded us to who we are today, but some people live in their past experiences – usually something that hurt and still hurts. It’s okay to cry out when you experience pain but don’t let pain dominate your life as it will transform itself into fears and phobias. If something painful happens, or has happened to you, find a way to minimise the effects. Discuss it with a friend, a family member or a professional if necessary and move on. Don’t let it continue to dominate your life and dictate your future actions. Because something bad has happened doesn’t mean it will happen again. Learn what you can from any bad experience and move on.

5: Negative World View

The television news is full of doom and gloom and it is true that around the world there are many people suffering war, famine or other natural or man-made disasters. Whilst I do not suggest you should not care and do nothing, remember that there are many beautiful positive things happening too. Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negative aspects around the world. Learn to look for beauty too for, in building self esteem, we must learn how to be positive in a negative world.

6: Determination Theory

Are we a product of our biological inherited characteristics (nature) or a result of the influences we absorb throughout out lives (nurture)? I believe how we are is due to a mixture of both nurture and nature and as a result our behavioural traits are not fixed. While it is true that some things are dictated by genetics (for example race, color and many inherited conditions) your environment and the people in your life have a major effect on your behaviour. You are your own person, you have your own identity and make your own choices. The characteristics your mother or father display are not your destiny. Learn from other people’s experience, so you don’t suffer the same mistakes.

Are some people are born leaders or positive thinkers? I don’t believe so. Being positive, and staying positive is a choice. Building self esteem and drawing on positive experiences for self improvement is a choice, not a rule or a talent. No-one will come to you and give you permission to build your self esteem and improve your self. It is in your control.

It can be hard to keep positive, especially when others and circumstances seem to be conspiring to pull you down. You need to protect yourself and give yourself a chance to stay positive. Improving your self esteem gives you that protection.

One way to stay positive is to minimise your exposure to harmful influences while using affirmations to boost the positive influences in your life. Constantly reminding yourself of the good things in your life will keep the impact of negative influences to a minimum.

Identify and Isolate those black hole folks. No one can make you into what you want to be but yourself.  You will certainly fail if you choose to adopt a victim mentality. So, seek Jesus the Christ this season and allow him to transform you into who it is He wants you to be.

It will be a sad time this Christmas season without Jewell my first wife of 51 years – pray for us please.

God bless,

Larry

to have never loved at all?

Hi friends, on December 6 2011 I lost my first wife after 51 years of marriage.  The carnage of incurable cancer began 6 months ago. The hills and valleys of hope and despair were just part of the downward spiral to the end.

I truly believe, you can tell the one you love a million times “I love You”, but you still want to tell them one more time.  I have been a little lax in my posting and am considering whether to post again or not.

Jewell passed quietly and when we arrived at the last 12 hours of her earthly life I held her and talked with her.  I was totally alone with her singing and hugging her.  I am so glad that God gave me the opportunity to walk her to the gates of heaven.  It just hurt to turn and leave her.

She is and will be sorely missed.

So you need to find the person you love right now and hold them and look them in the eyes and tell them you love them. Life has many 90 degree turns and we never know when or where they will be ocurring.

God Bless and a Merry Christmas,

Larry

Negative influences are all around and can have a dramatic effect on your self esteem. Don’t let unchecked people and circumstances pull you down. Here are 6 tips on how to minimize your exposure and how to concentrate on positive influences and as a starter guide for self improvement.

Staying calm, composed and maintaining strong self esteem in today’s tough environment can be difficult but is not impossible if you follow a few simple guidelines. Here are 6 tips you can use as a starter guide to self improvement.

Everything and everyone else around you can affect your self esteem. Other people can deliberately or inadvertently damage your self image. Unchecked people and circumstances can ultimately destroy your self esteem and pull you down in ways you won’t even notice. Don’t let these influences get the best of you. But what should you avoid?

1 : A Negative Work Environment

Beware of a “dog eat dog” environment where everyone else is fighting just to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive and working extra is expected and not rewarded. In this environment no one will appreciate your contributions even if you miss lunch, dinner, and stay at work late into the night. Unless you are very fortunate most of the time you will work too hard with no help from others around you. This type of atmosphere will ruin your self esteem. This is not just healthy competition, at its worst it is brutal and very damaging.

2: Other Peoples Behaviour

Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, people walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, sluffers – whatever you want to call them, all have one thing in common – an overriding desire to prosper at the expense of others. Avoid them and do not be tempted to join them.  They may get some short term advantage with their behaviour but deep down most are very insecure, unhappy and ashamed of their behaviour. For most their self esteem disappeared a long time ago. Seeing someone like this prosper is sickening but do not join them – you are better than that!

See you soon for Part II

Hi Friends, Did you know that just by asking a question you can preclude an argument?

“I thought it was a pretty picture”

If your goal is to reach a solution and create a win/win outcome, arguing isn’t the route to take. Instead the best way to reach a collaborative conclusion is to ask questions.

As the saying goes “It takes two to tango.” Well, it also takes two to argue. It is impossible to have an argument with someone if they don’t participate. If your goal is to reach a solution and create a win/win outcome, arguing isn’t the route to take. Instead the best way to reach a collaborative conclusion is to ask questions.

We are taught to ask questions in coaching so the other person can hear in their own words the solutions. In fact it is said that coaches do not ask questions so they can hear the answer, but so the client can hear the answer. Questions allow the person to take ownership and responsibility for the solution. Although there are times, when coaching a client, that I already know the answer. It is more powerful to allow my client to come to it on their own in their own words. The same works in an argument. If all you want to do is argue, questioning isn’t likely to be helpful. If you want to co-create a solution questioning can assist in creating a solution that will be agreeable to both parties.

As an adjunct faculty member at a local University, I find that it is useless to argue or try to reason with students when talking with them about their grades. The student always begins the conversation believing I am wrong and they are right . . . the foundation to arguments. By asking simple questions such as “What do you think your grade should be?” or “If you were the professor how would you grade the paper?” the student begins to see the problem from a different perspective. Most of the time the conversation ends with the student accepting the grade or at least understanding why they earned it. Questioning allows them to work through the problem and think about it in a different way.

I find this process helpful anytime there is conflict. I found the process of asking questions to be extremely valuable when making a custom order at my local hardware store. I had followed the directions in the electrical department that advised me to take my custom order to the cashier and they would place the order, bill me and arrange for shipping. When I did that, the cashier was completely confused and called Gloria the head cashier over. Gloria proceeded to tell me that I was wrong and I would have to go to another department to place the order. I showed Gloria the instructions, but it was clear she wasn’t interested. Instead of arguing with her, I started asking questions. I started with the most important one, “Gloria, how are we going to resolve this?” I stayed calm and focused on the goal to get the order placed. Gloria wasn’t happy about helping me. However, in the end I got what I wanted without arguing about it. Questions helped Gloria and I stay focused without arguing.

Unless you just want to have a good argument, avoid defending your position and focus on asking questions. Questions take the heat out of the situation and allow both parties to view the problem from a different perspective. Even if you know the answer, the other person will be more open to the solution if they are allowed to discover it on her or his own.

Hi Friends,  Noahs Ark teaches us ten lesson on how to lead a happy and successful life, and you can read it here.

Though the bible has been sometimes discredited by those who do not believe, it is one of the good and reliable sources for finding out how to live happily. Here, I have outlined some of the lessons I have picked up from the story of the flood and Noahs Ark in a slightly humouristic tone.

1) Whatever you do, pay attention that you do not miss the boat.

2) Remember that you are not alone because everyone is in the same boat with you.

3) You need to look into the future and plan for it. Remember that when Noah started building the ark, it had not started raining.

4) Keep healthy and fit because even when you have reached the golden age of six-hundred years, someone might approach you and ask you to perform something really big, grand and important.

5) Ignore those that criticise you and instead just keep your eye on the job that you need to get done.

6) Build your future on a very high ground.

7) If you wish to be safe, alsways travel in pairs.

Though you might think that speed is a great advantage, it is not necessarily so because on Noahs Ark the cheetahs were on the same boat with the snails.

9) Feeling stressed out? Float around for a while.

10) (This is really funny!) Note that while the Ark was built by an amateur, the Titanic was built by professionals.

To sum up, I recommend you lead a good and happy life by doing what you like, while not harming others and while looking to your interests in the future.

This will help,

Hi Friends, We All Know The Advantaged Of Living Motivated. But, How Can We Stay Motivated?

MOTIVATION, THE HEART OF SELF IMPROVEMENT

Pain may sometimes be the reason why people change. Getting flunked grades make us realize that we need to study. Debts remind us of our inability to look for a source of income. Being humiliated gives us the ‘push’ to speak up and fight for ourselves to save our face from the next embarrassments. It may be a bitter experience, a friend’s tragic story, a great movie, or an inspiring book that will help us get up and get just the right amount of motivation we need in order to improve ourselves.

With the countless negativities the world brings about, how do we keep motivated? Try on the tips I prepared from A to Z…

A – Achieve your dreams. Avoid negative people, things and places. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

B – Believe in your self, and in what you can do.

C – Consider things on every angle and aspect. Motivation comes from determination. To be able to understand life, you should feel the sun from both sides.

D – Don’t give up and don’t give in. Thomas Edison failed once, twice, more than thrice before he came up with his invention and perfected the incandescent light bulb. Make motivation as your steering wheel.

E – Enjoy. Work as if you don’t need money. Dance as if nobody’s watching. Love as if you never cried. Learn as if you’ll live forever. Motivation takes place when people are happy.

F – Family and Friends – are life’s greatest ‘F’ treasures. Don’t loose sight of them.

G – Give more than what is enough. Where does motivation and self improvement take place at work? At home? At school? When you exert extra effort in doing things.

H – Hang on to your dreams. They may dangle in there for a moment, but these little stars will be your driving force.

I – Ignore those who try to destroy you. Don’t let other people to get the best of you. Stay out of toxic people – the kind of friends who hates to hear about your success.

J – Just be yourself. The key to success is to be yourself. And the key to failure is to try to please everyone.

K – keep trying no matter how hard life may seem. When a person is motivated, eventually he sees a harsh life finally clearing out, paving the way to self improvement.
L – Learn to love your self. Now isn’t that easy?

M – Make things happen. Motivation is when your dreams are put into work clothes.

N – Never lie, cheat or steal. Always play a fair game.

O – Open your eyes. People should learn the horse attitude and horse sense. They see things in 2 ways – how they want things to be, and how they should be.

P – Practice makes perfect. Practice is about motivation. It lets us learn repertoire and ways on how can we recover from our mistakes.

Q – Quitters never win. And winners never quit. So, choose your fate – are you going to be a quitter? Or a winner?

R – Ready yourself. Motivation is also about preparation. We must hear the little voice within us telling us to get started before others will get on their feet and try to push us around. Remember, it wasn’t raining when Noah build the ark.

S – Stop procrastinating.

T – Take control of your life. Discipline or self control jives synonymously with motivation. Both are key factors in self improvement.

U – Understand others. If you know very well how to talk, you should also learn how to listen. Yearn to understand first, and to be understood the second.

V – Visualize it. Motivation without vision is like a boat on a dry land.

W – Want it more than anything. Dreaming means believing. And to believe is something that is rooted out from the roots of motivation and self improvement.

X – X Factor is what will make you different from the others. When you are motivated, you tend to put on “extras” on your life like extra time for family, extra help at work, extra care for friends, and so on.

Y – You are unique. No one in this world looks, acts, or talks like you. Value your life and existence, because you’re just going to spend it once.

Z – Zero in on your dreams and go for it!!!

A lot to digest. Take it one step at a time.

I hope this helps get you back on the road to a happy and contented aging.

Title:
Eliminating Undue Stress in Our Lives

Hi Friends, I know we have been on the stress subject awhile and ways we can get rid of it.  But, believe me stress can be a large splinter in the finger of our lives.

Remember when hopscotch was the total amount of stress in our lives?

When I come home after driving my car the keys either stay in my pants pocket or I put them in a specific place. At night when I take of my shoes they are then right beside my bed so that when I wake up I know where they will be. My desk may be a mess but I know where everything I need is. I am constantly telling my kids and my wife not to clean or move anything on my desk. Every Time they do I can no longer find things I may need.

My Oldest son, Micah, when he comes home from work he takes off his shirt and just lays it someplace. The next day he tears up the house in a frenzy looking for his shirt. I remember once my wife pounding a nail beside the door and hanging her keys there. It took her almost a year before she realized that she hung them there. She tore apart the house numerous times looking for them. We finally spent almost a hundred dollars to get new keys made.

If you are constantly losing things then you need to put everything in a specific place and always put things in the same place. Why go through the stress of frantically trying to find something because you didn’t follow this rule? If you are walking in your house and you trip over something then move that thing aside so that you don’t trip again. I’ve seen my wife trip over the same object half a dozen times. It doesn’t occur to her to move the object.

there are so many things we do that will make our lives a little easier. The ultimate goal is to reduce stress. Stress is probably the cause of the majority of problems in our lives. We can get sick unnecessarily because of the stress in our lives. It causes arguments with our loved ones and can ruin a day that would otherwise be a great day.

If something upsets you instead of reacting right away why not take a few minutes and do some heavy breathing? If i reacted at everything that upset me then I would have fewer friends and not that great of a relationship with my family.
There are many little things that we can do that will make life a lot easier.  Rather then setting these big long term goals which could take a long tiime to see results make little goals and give yourself a pat on the back every time you reach one of these mini goals.

And instead of having a different username and password for every site you blong to, your online banking, email, memberships, etc.. Why not use the same username and password for everything? You can always change the username and password once a month if you are worrid about somebody figuring them out. When starting a project finish it before starting another. Otherwise you will have all these unfinished projects in your life.

Stress wrecks marriages, relationships, families, and health so let’s start today on getting a handle on it and live a contented peaceful life.

Hoping this helps,

larry@contentedaging.com

Hi Friends, here come the holiday and the common holiday stress.  Just like the common cold holiday stress is temporary. Here are a few tip to get you through the holiday season in a holiday mood.

When traveling with your family, it should be a wonderful spending time together. Sharing and caring with loved one sounds wonderful, but often there is an undercurrent of tension that can make this a difficult and dreaded time for some. Why does this happen, after all the holidays only come around once a year and we deal with family tension all year round.

Families, who don’t normally spend a lot of time together because of work/school commitments or because of location, are now spending all of several days together. People fall back into old patterns of behavior, old arguments still simmer and issues that have been avoided have a way of coming to the surface. Those involved can feel angry and unappreciated, which in turn cause more tension and so the cycle begins.

Add to the mix a host who is exhausted from weeks of shopping, planning and decorating, teenagers who resent the invasion of their space and time, young children who just know how to capitalize on the fact that you have company and you have a recipe for disaster

If you are hosting a family holiday event, you may find that the stress of trying to create the perfect holiday season for the family begins many weeks before the holiday actually arrives. Eliminating holiday tension and stress would require a lifestyle change that very few people really want to make. You can however make it more manageable.

1. Accept that the holidays will come and there is nothing you can do about it, be determined to be flexible and not sweat the small stuff.

2. Acknowledge that this is not an ideal world and that people don’t change just because it is the holidays. Your in-laws may snipe at your decor and your cooking, your teenager will want to hang with friends than be stuck with family and everybody else will still be the same. In the grand scheme of things it does not matter, keep it in perspective, remember the “perfect holiday” is different for everyone.

3. Don’t shop till you drop, instead make a list and stick to it. Holiday spending can easily get out of control and leave you with a financial headache for the New Year. Determine your budget and stick to it, be ruthless.

4. Don’t let guilt or a misplaced sense of obligation force you into attending parties and activities you would rather not go to. Pick events you know you will enjoy and that means something to you and you will have a great time.

5. Consider your expectations of others during the holidays. When it comes to the family photo, family functions, holiday activities, do you expect your spouse and children to be shiny happy people for all such activities and events. Don’t let a tense situation develop just because they are not behaving the way you think they should. Consider what they want to do and talk about it.
In summary, you should be realistic, focus on the people you love, don’t overspend, keep your sense of humor and you will keep your sanity. Life is short and time is precious, consider every holiday you spend with family and friends as a wonderful gift. Most important of all…Enjoy.

larry@contentedaging.com

Hi Friends, Send stress sailing with a spa adventure.  Jewell here and I subscribe to the spa adventure as a sure way to rid your life of stress.

A Spa experience is a great way to relieve stress. Stress is one of the major causes of diseases like cancer and most other sicknesses.
Spas are a great way to relieve stress!

Stressed out people are taking advantage of Spas in record numbers. More and more women, men and teens are prioritizing spa visits, making salons and spas among the trendiest hangouts to date. Why?

One, stress is one of the major causes of diseases like cancer and most other sicknesses. It has been proven that the benefits of a spa experience are very effective in reducing stress.

Second, where else can one feel pampered and beautiful at affordable prices? Most of all, they provide a fun way to just hang out with your friends and acquaintances.

A spa gives you an all-encompassing experience.

Depending on ones choice, it can be a great way to jumpstart a diet or make a major lifestyle change in a supportive environment. The relaxing atmospere of a spa experience has a very powerful healing effect on your body.

It used to be that spas were about relaxation, beauty and pampering. Now the new demand is for healing modalities- body therapies that focus on moving energy in the body.

Basic treatments at a spa may involve several things:

The most popular service and the best place to start is Therapeutic Massage. Massage has a number of health benefits.

The second most popular service is the European Facial. This involves skin analysis, deep cleansing, massage, and extraction. Body treatments are essentially facials for the whole body. The most popular body treatment is a salt glow or body scrub.

Hydrotherapy tubs, steambaths and saunas may be included in the array of utilities offered. Saunas are deeply relaxing and a great way to melt away stress. They are valuable in stimulating circulation, improving the elimination of waste products through the skin.

Many spas offer manicures and pedicures, and spa/salons offer hair cutting and styling services. Some spas offer a wide selection of exercise and outdoor activities to choose from. Even an exercise as simple as walking will make and keep our bodies fit. Our bodies can only function if the body structure is sound and our blood  is pure. Spas continue to be considered a sanctuary from stress.
TIPS:

Always check to see what’s included. Meals? Treatments? Tax? Service fees? And some resort spas even charge extra for yoga or aerobic classes. Tips of 15-20% are typical at day spas. The therapist gets just 40% to 50% of the fee for the service at most, so they rely on tips. Destination and resort spas often charge a service fee of 15-20%, but they keep most of that-sometimes all of it-themselves. So if you really appreciated your service, tips are appreciated if not expected.

Best Spa-Bargains are the ones you can save by traveling off-season. In the Northeast, rates are lower in the winter, higher in the summer. It’s the reverse in the Southwest and Florida.

Plan your stay during the week rather than on weekends. A Thursday night arrival will cost more than a Sunday night arrival. Look for special bring-a-friend programs. You can also make the most of your time by arriving early in the morning on your first day and leaving late your last day.

Last but not least is to simply enjoy!


Enjoy,

larry@contentedaging.com

Hi Friends, Want to live a stress free life? Discover the many benefits of how exercise can dramatically reduce your stress levels.

Are you swamped at work?  Do you always feel one step behind trying to catch up on all the chores on your “to-do” list each day?  Do you toss and turn in bed at night thinking about all the things you should have accomplished that day, but didn’t?  All of us have experienced a hectic set of circumstances in our lives at one point or another.  Maybe you experience stress every day of your life.  This stress can lead to sickness, depression, and make you feel overwhelmed.  Therefore, how can you combat this nagging daily stress?  One answer is exercise.

Stress comes in both physical and mental forms.  The severity of stress placed upon your body depends on your job, family, and life obligations.  Exercise will benefit nearly everyone from a mother of five to a single on-the-go professional.  You can find a form of exercise to suit your needs whether you have just ten minutes of free time a day or can hit the gym regularly.  Exercise has the potential to be a highly effective stress reducer.  Following are common questions, excuses, and solutions regarding exercise in our daily lives.

How does exercise affect the body?  Won’t it make me feel tired? On the contrary, exercise has been shown to increase “endorphins”.  Endorphins are the “feel good” chemicals that are linked to an elevation in mood.  This endorphin kick can be akin to eating a chocolate bar.  Chocolate has caffeine and hits the pleasure center in our brain.  Exercise is similar in that blood pumps faster in our bodies increasing the oxygen supply to our brain.  This endorphin rush is why many exercisers become addicted to exercise.

Exercise has long been an antidote to stress.  Exercise takes your mind away from the stresses of daily life while you run, lift weights, or engage in any activity that raises your heart rate.  An added benefit to exercise is that it will help you sleep better at night.  For many people stress wreaks havoc on their lives by causing insomnia.  Make sure, however, that you don’t exercise too close to bed time.  The rise in activity and heart rate that exercise brings should be completed at least three hours before bed time.  Each person reacts differently to exercise so test out different exercise times and see which time works best for you.

How am I supposed to find time to exercise when my day is already filled to the brim with chores, kids, work, etc.? Before you brush off exercise time, take a closer examination of your day.  Do you have down time?  Do you spend time watching television?  Many people watch television during the course of the day.  This television time could be exercise time instead.  Record your favorite TV shows and watch them later after you have exercised. Time exists for exercise; it is just a matter of making time and placing value on your exercise program and overall health.

What type of exercise should I do to relieve stress?  I don’t want to be a gym rat and purchase an expensive health club membership. Good news.  You don’t need to sign an expensive gym contract to get your exercise in for the day. You can exercise from the comfort of your own living room or head outside and enjoy the fresh air.

For example, break a sweat with exercise videos/DVDs.  There are a bevy of exercise videos/DVDs available for home use that range for calming Yoga to boot camp kick boxing.  Some videos/DVDs come with extras such as free weights, aerobic steps, exercise balls, and strengthening bands.  It is like you have a personal mini-gym all to yourself.  You can create your own exercise video library and rotate the different workouts to keep your exercise program varied and interesting.

http://fitnessprogramguide.com

Strap on your walking shoes and head outside to enjoy the sights of your neighborhood.  Walking is a low impact form of exercise.  It is fun to walk with your spouse, children, and friends.  Many neighborhoods have jumped on the walking bandwagon by starting walking clubs.  They meet twice a week in the morning for an hour long walk.  It is a great way to get to know your neighbors and exercising with a partner will help you to keep on track.  This accountability is a great defense against skipping your workout.

http://backpackingsurvivalkit.com

Many people want to get away from the stress of others. They want to walk and exercise by themselves.  If this applies to you then you can listen to a tape or CD on your walk.  It is a great way to catch up on books you have been meaning to read by listen to the audio version.  Or you can listen to soothing music.  Either way you can reduce stress from your daily life by placing your focus on other things besides all the errands you need to get done that day.

Reduce your stress with exercise.  It is a natural way to energize your body and calm your mind.  Make exercise an integral part of your daily living.  You will be glad you did as you enjoy each day, stress free.

And, keeping your finances in balance can drasticallly reduce stress…http://debtfreelivingme.com

Contentment is work?  What’s going on here?  Well, friends in a world of quick gratification and easy credit stress and worry can work there way into our lives very easily.

This isn’t mine, but I thought an article on worry addiction was worth sending along.

Carole started counseling with me because she was depressed. She had been ill with chronic fatigue syndrome for a long time and believed her depression was due to this. In the course of our work together, she became aware that her depression was actually coming from her negative thinking – Carole was a constant worrier. Many words out of her mouth centered around her concerns that something bad might happen. “What if I never get well?” “What if my husband gets sick?” “What if I run out of money?” (Carole and her husband ran a very successful business and there was no indication that it would not go on being successful). “What if my son gets into drugs?” “What if my kids don’t get into good colleges?” “What if someone breaks into the house?”

Her worry was not only causing her depression, but was also contributing to her illness, if not actually causing it. Her worry caused so much stress in her body that her immune system could not do its job of keeping her well. Yet even the awareness that her worry was causing her depression and possibly even her illness did not stop Carole from worrying. She was addicted to it. She was unconsciously addicted to the sense of control that worry gave her.

I understood this well because I come from a long line of worriers. My grandmother’s whole life was about worrying. She lived with us as I was growing up and I don’t remember ever seeing her without a look of worry on her face. Same with my mother – constant worry. Of course, I picked up on it and also became a worrier. However, unlike my mother and grandmother, who worried daily until the day they died, I decided I didn’t want to live that way. The turning point came for me the day my husband and I were going to the beach and I started to worry that the house would burn down and my children would die. I became so upset from the worry that we had to turn around and come home. I knew then that I had to do something about it.

As I started to examine the cause of worry, I realized that worriers believe that worry will stop bad things from happening. My mother worried her whole life and none of the bad things she worried about ever happened. She concluded that nothing bad happened because she worried! She really believed that she could control things with her worry. My father, however, never worried about anything, and nothing bad ever happened to him either. My mother believed that nothing bad happened to my father because of her worry! She really believed until the day she died (from heart problems that may have been due to her constant worry) that if she stopped worrying, everything would fall apart. My father is still alive at 92, even without her worrying about him!

It is not easy to stop worrying when you have been practicing worrying for most of your life. In order for me to stop worrying, I needed to recognize that the belief that worry has control over outcomes is a complete illusion. I needed to see that, not only is worry a waste of time, but that it can have grave negative consequences on health and well-being. Once I understood this, I was able to notice the stomach clenching that occurred whenever I worried and stop the thought that was causing the stress.

Carole is in the process of learning this. She sees that her worry makes her feel very anxious and depressed. She sees that when she doesn’t worry, she is not nearly as fatigued as when she allows her addiction to worry to take over. She sees that when she stays in the moment rather than projecting into the future, she feels much better. The key for Carole in stopping worrying is in accepting that worry does not give her control.

Giving up the illusion of control that worry gives us is not easy for anyone who worries. Yet there is an interesting paradox regarding worry. I have found that when I am in the present moment, I have a much better chance of making choices that support my highest good than when I’m stuck thinking about the future. Rather than giving us control, worry prevents us from being present enough to make loving choices for ourselves and others. Worrying actually ends up giving us less control rather than more!

If worry, stress and anxiety have gotten out of control in your life…..    Click Here!  …..  here is a book you can buy for less than $30.00 that will help train you to overcome those “black holes”.

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Let Go and Let God,

Larry

Hi Friends,

Everybody knows that the way we think determines the outcome. If your thoughts are like “I can’t write more articles then I do already”, you probable won’t succeed. If you change your thoughts into “I will write more articles then I already do”, you will achieve that goal. Perhaps it’s only one article more then expected, but you did more then you wanted. If you believe in yourself you will succeed at the end.

But before you reach that end you have to organize the thoughts in your head. There are two main thoughts, negative and positive. For every negative one you can find an opposite more positive thought. For example if you take a half filled glass with water you can think this glass is half empty.  This is a more negative thought. If you approach it with the thought of this glass is half full then you think positive. There hasn’t been a change with the amount of water. Just your thinking changed.  It takes time and effort to make those changes.

At first you are on the level of unawareness incompetence. We act without thinking. If we want changes to be made we have to learn to use those positive affirmations. We now are one step higher called the awareness of incompetence. At this point you know that you have to learn and use in order to change. When we use them for a while and we see results we reach the level of aware competence.

We now use the tools in a perfect way. We see results but to achieve the highest level we need to keep on the good work..
At this state when an opportunity appears we think in possibilities instead of problems. This is the state of mind we want to have consistently. Sure you have less positive thoughts sometimes but rapidly you make that change into a positive thought.  Thinking positive has become a natural behavior

Keep up the good work and start today. Remember only you can make a difference.

Hope this helps,

larry@contentedaging.com

Hi Friends,

I am sure you have met those people that can never say yes to happiness.  No matter what there is a “But what if”, attached.  Well maybe some of these tips might help them to turn life over and be thankful and happy even in the small things of life.
Think about it … every single thing we do is intended to make us happier.

And yet sometimes we get diverted and do things that actually move us away from this goal.

We all have the potential for genuine happiness. There is no gene or DNA marker that determines who will be happy and who will not. We make choices throughout our lives, and the result of all these choices combined, determines our level of happiness. Make the right choices and happiness can be yours.

Here are just a sampling of some of the tactics we can employ in an 11-point roadmap to help guide us toward genuine happiness:

1. Look For The Positive In Everything:  There is an old saying that nothing is inherently good or bad—what makes it one or the other, is merely your reaction to it. Find the positive and you will be happier. Those who soar against all odds, do so because they look at the positive that could come out of their situation, how ever bad it may seem to others.

2. Accentuate The Positive:  We all grow up with a “positivity imbalance”—the result of society’s norms and rules being based on restriction and punishment more than approval and reward.  From a young age we are taught what we must not do instead of what we may do. Even in day-to-day life, there is more negative influence that positive. Luckily you can work to improve the balance. Celebrate the positive and work to get more of it. When you achieve something, congratulate yourself! Look for things you find uplifting, that make you happy. Get more of that! At the same time, reduce your exposure to negative input, whether it is the daily news, or people you don’t feel good around. You know your buttons…make sure the positive ones are pushed more than the negative.

3. Practice Good Selfishness:  When we were young we were taught that putting our interests before those of others is wrong. This is particularly true for women, many of whom sacrifice their dreams and ambitions to help others achieve theirs. It is also common in the corporate world where the good of the company is considered more important than the good of the individual. It is good to help others, yet we should have boundaries to protect ourselves from being manipulated or abused by others. You are important, and if you don’t look after yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually, you cannot expect anyone else to do so.

4. Listen To Your Feelings:  All feelings are good. Every feeling occurs for a reason: it is delivering a message. Sometimes that message is pleasant, other times not. Our tendency is to distract ourselves from unpleasant feelings, often through smoking, drinking or drugs of one kind or another. When you feel bad, avoid distracting yourself, and identify the reason—there is some need not being met.

5. Give Of Yourself:  The more you give, the more you receive. There is probably no scientific study proving this to be so, but unconditional giving is hugely rewarding. It seems that the more of yourself you give, the greater the thrill and uplifting effect on your psyche. Help the needy. Give time if you can. Give anonymously, even if you lose the tax deduction!

6. Make It Happen:  You have the ability to make things happen using your mind. Top sports stars, and business people use it, and so can you. There are many ways of doing this; one of the common methods is to use visualization—getting a picture in your mind of whatever it is that you want to happen. It does not actually have to be a visual picture; it could be a feeling, a smell, a sound, or any combination of the senses. Imagine finding the perfect parking near the entrance as you arrive at the supermarket or mall … the sky is the limit, but persevere! We are not used to utilizing this tool, so it takes practice.

7. Accept The Things You Cannot Change:  We resist things we don’t like, and often expend a tremendous amount of energy on this resistance. Whilst this can be good, and has resulted in tremendous advances through history, we should work to understand those things we cannot change, and then move on. Rather use the saved energy on something more worthwhile and productive. This is not to say that you should complacently accept anything. If you truly desire change, you should work towards that change; but spending time worrying about something without actively working to change it is unproductive and damaging to your wellbeing.

8. Take Responsibility For Your Choices:  Everything that you do, or don’t do, is because of choices you make (or don’t make). It is easier and convenient to blame outside causes for things that go wrong in life, but your life is the sum of all the choices you make along the way—sometimes that choice it to let somebody else make a choice on your behalf. If you tend to blame other people or things, it may be scary to take responsibility for what happens in your life, but it is really quite liberating because instead of seeing yourself as an effect of outside forces, you realize you are the cause of everything good you achieve. Don’t abdicate responsibility for your life.

9. Schedule Regular “Self Time”:  Spend some time analyzing where you are in life, your strengths and weaknesses. How can you turn the latter into the former? Think about your views on everything from your job to global warming and the existence of aliens—then work out why you feel the way you do. Is your reasoning sound? The better you understand yourself, the better you understand the world.

10. Make Time To Meditate:  We spend almost all our time thinking of the past or planning for the future. We seldom spend time in the present. It has reached a point where, for most of us, it seems impossible to keep our focus on what is happening right now. Your meditation could be formal meditation or prayer, but it could be as simple as merely focusing on each breath as it goes in and out for five or ten minutes, dismissing past and future thoughts as they arise—and they will!

11. Remove Your Limitations:  When we fail, usually the reason is simply because we don’t believe we are able or worthy of whatever it is that we fail to achieve. Most often, this belief is actually false; the result of negative programming received since childhood. The truth is that most of us are able to do most of what we really want to do … you just have to believe. The best way to start is with small things, working your way up as you notice the limits dissolving.

The more successful you are at putting these concepts and processes described in these eleven points into your life, the more genuinely happy you will be, and the happiness will last!

Hope this helps,

larry@contentedaging.com

Hi Friends,

What has Self Judgment to do with living a Cntented Lifestyle?  Let’s take a look a reasons we pick on ourselves and judge ourselve wrongly and possibly we can turn that ship around and begin to enjoy who we are.

You have heard them before and possibly you have said them.
“I’m such a jerk. How could I have said that?”
“I’m a looser. I’ll never get anywhere.”
“I’m so stupid. I should have learned this by now.”
“I don’t fit in. I don’t belong with these people.”
“I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never do it right enough.”
“I’m permanently emotionally damaged. I’ll never be okay.”
“No one could love me. I’m not lovable.”

…and so on and so on.

Are you aware of your self-judgments? Are you aware of how often you judge yourself as bad, wrong, or inadequate? Are you aware of how you end up feeling as a result of your self-judgments?

In my counseling work with people, I find that self-judgment is one of the major causes of fear, anger, anxiety and depression. Yet most people don’t realize that these painful feelings are the result of their own thoughts, their own self-judgments. Most of the time, when I ask an anxious client why they are feeling anxious, they tell me that it’s because of something that happened to them. They usually believe that an event or a person caused their anxiety. Yet when I ask them what they are thinking that might be causing their anxiety, they will tell me a self-judgment such as, “I’ll never get this right,” or they are projecting their own judgment onto me and telling themselves, “Margaret doesn’t like me,” or “Margaret is getting impatient with me.” When they judge themselves or make up that I’m judging them, they get anxious. There is nothing actually happening that is causing their anxiety, other than their own thoughts.

Pointing out to them that they are causing their anxiety with their self-judgment doesn’t not necessarily stop the judgment. This is because self-judgment is often an addiction. An addiction is a habitual behavior that is intended to protect against pain. What is the pain that self-judgment is intended to protect against?

Generally, the hope of self-judgment is to protect against rejection and failure. The false beliefs are that, “If I judge myself, then others won’t judge me and reject me. I can be safe from others’ judgment by judging myself first,” or “If I judge myself, I can motivate myself to do things right and succeed. Then I will feel safe and be loved and accepted by others.”

However, just as a child does far better in school with encouragement than with criticism, so do we as adults. Criticism tends to scare and immobilize us. Instead of motivating us, it often creates so much anxiety that we get frozen and become unable to take appropriate action for ourselves. More self-judgment follows the lack of action, which results in more anxiety and immobilization, until we create a situation where we are completely stuck and miserable.

The way out of this is to become aware of the feelings of fear, anxiety, anger or depression and then ask yourself, “What did I just tell myself that is creating this feeling?” Once you become aware of the self-judgment, you can then ask yourself, “Am I certain that what I am telling myself is true?” If you are not 100% certain that what you are telling yourself is true, you can ask your higher, wise self or a spiritual source of wisdom, “What is the truth?” If you are really open to learning about the truth, the truth will pop into your mind, and it will be much different than what you have been telling yourself.

For example, “I’m such a jerk. How could I have said that?” becomes “We all mess up at times. It’s okay to make mistakes – it’s part of being human. Making a mistake does not mean that you are a jerk.” When we open to the truth, we will discover a kind and compassionate way of speaking to ourselves, a way that makes us feel loved and safe rather than anxious, angry or depressed.

Addictions are always challenging to resolve, and an addiction to self-judgment is no exception. So be easy on yourself, and don’t judge yourself for judging yourself! It will take time and dedication to become aware of your self-judgments and learn to be kind toward yourself, but the end result is so worth the effort!

You can do it.  Stay away from the ANTS for a starter.  They don’t like anything or anyone.  And be careful ANTS thrive best in your immediate family

Hi Friends,

Happiness vs. Pleasure, so what’s the difference?

We are a pleasure seeking society. Most of us spend our energy seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. We hope that by doing this, we will feel happy. Yet deep, abiding happiness and joy elude so many people.

There is a huge difference between happiness and pleasure. Pleasure is a momentary feeling that comes from something external – a good meal, our stock going up, making love, and so on. Pleasure has to do with the positive experiences of our senses, and with good things happening. Pleasurable experiences can give us momentary feelings of happiness, but this happiness does not last long because it is dependent upon external events and experiences. We have to keep on having the good experiences – more food, more drugs or alcohol, more money, more sex, more things – in order to feel pleasure. As a result, many people become addicted to these external experiences, needing more and more to feel a short-lived feeling of happiness.

Thomas sought my counseling services because he “had everything” – his own successful business, a lovely wife and children, a beautiful home, and time to enjoy life. Yet he was not happy. While he had momentary feelings of happiness while watching a ball game or socializing with his friends, he also felt anxious and depressed much of the time. In fact, the anxiety had become so bad that he was having almost constant stomach pain, which his doctor told him was from stress.

As we worked together, it became apparent that Thomas’s main desire in life was to have control over people and events. He wanted others to do things his way and to believe the way he believed. He was frequently judgmental with his employees, wife, children and friends, believing that he was right and they were wrong and it was his job to straighten them out with his judgment and criticism. His energy would become hard and tough and he would be like a steamroller in his efforts to get his point across and get others to do things his way. When it worked and others gave in, Thomas felt a momentary pang of pleasure. But the pain in his stomach kept getting worse and worse, which is why he decided to consult with me.

Thomas also wanted control over his own feelings, and would often judge himself as harshly as he judged others in an effort to get himself to perform well and feel okay. He especially judged himself harshly when he felt rejected by others, frequently telling himself that he was an inadequate jerk.

As we worked together, Thomas began to see that happiness is the result of choosing to be a kind, caring, compassionate and gentle person with himself and others – quite the opposite of the judgmental, controlling person he had chosen to be. Thomas learned that happiness is the natural result of being present in each moment with love and kindness toward himself and others, rather than with being attached to the outcome of things and trying to control the outcome regarding events and others’ behavior. He discovered that he felt deep joy whenever he let go of control and chose caring instead. The anxiety in his stomach went away whenever his intention was to be a kind and caring person rather than a controlling one.

It is not easy to shift out of the deep devotion to control and become devoted to love and compassion toward oneself and others. Our ego wounded self has been practicing control since we were very little. Yet the moment our intent is to control, our heart closes and we feel alone and anxious inside. Our intent to seek safety and pleasure through controlling others, outcomes, and our own feelings leads to an inner feeling of abandonment and emptiness. We abandon ourselves when we are trying to control our feelings rather than be kind and compassionate with ourselves. Our anxiety and feelings of emptiness lead to more seeking outside ourselves to fill up with pleasurable experiences. The momentary pleasure leads to addictive behavior.

When the intent shifts out of controlling and not being controlled to becoming loving to ourselves and others, the heart opens and joy is the result. Deep and abiding happiness and joy are the natural result of operating out of the spiritual values of caring, compassion and kindness.

One saying I wish I had heard and applied to my life at an ealier time was  “To let go and let God”.

Hi Friends,

In a culture that is beginning to act and feel more like a victim, you can unlock your creative genius by starting to follow the steps below.

We all have the ability to think creatively. It’s learning how to do it that  matters. This article will show you the 7 keys to unlocking your own creativity.Here are 7 ways you can instantly access your natural creativity and create anything you like.

1. Think Like A Child. As adults we tend to think in a conditioned way aimed at showing how clever we are. Yet, as children, we were simply spontaneous and far more creative in our thinking. To re-capture your childhood curiosity, allow yourself to just wonder at things, to be completely present in the here and now, and to detach yourself from what you thought was real.

2. Make New Connections. To be innovative doesn’t require a university degree; it simply requires making a connection between existing ideas. For instance, did you know that ice cream was invented in 2000 BC yet it took another 3900 years for someone to come up with the idea of a cone? It’s when you take two seemingly unrelated items and use the spark of creativity that genius happens.

3. Be A Little Illogical. It is a peculiarly Western trait to want to tie things up in neat bundles. We prefer solutions to problems, and answers to questions. To be creative, you need to be comfortable with things that don’t fit. The Eastern tradition is more in tune with incongruence. As in this Zen koan, or problem: what is the sound of one hand clapping?

4. Laugh More. Tom Peters says that the creativity of a workplace can be measured by a laughometer, ie how much it laughs. Humour is one of the greatest creative devices. It jolts us out of our normal patterns and puts ideas together that shouldn’t go together. It has been found that after listening to comedy tapes, students’ ability to solve problems rises by 60%.

5. Think Outside Your Limits. Many of the products we take for granted today are the result of people thinking outside their limits. John Lynn recalls attending a computer conference in the 1980′s at a hotel when someone joked that the next thing they’d be thinking of would be computerised doors. When he went back to the same hotel 20 years later, all the doors used computer-programmed key cards.

6. Adopt and Adapt. To be creative doesn’t require blue-sky thinking. You can still be creative by adapting what works elsewhere. An American airline that wanted quicker turnarounds on their flights adopted the techniques of Formula One pit crews. Another source of ideas is nature. Georges de Mestral adapted the way certain seeds stick to clothing and invented Velcro.

7. Remember Your Dreams. Dreaming and day-dreaming can create a rich seam of ideas, because that’s when we relax and let the subconscious mind work by itself. The Roffey Park Management Institute calls this “washing-up creativity” because most flashes of inspiration come when we are walking the dog, sitting Archimedes-like in the bath, or doing the washing up.

Apply these 7 creative thinking techniques and make them part of your daily thinking and I guarantee that new solutions to your problems will open up to you with ease and speed.

You don’t have to be a victim of fate.  We all have choices and it it the choices WE make that bring us to this minute.

Thanks,

larry@contentedaging.com

Hi Friends,

The anti negative thinnking people are another way to describe what I call “Black Holes”.  They are those persons for what ever reason cannot see themselves or any one else being successful or happy.  They will suck you into their helplessness, drain you dry and spit you out completely useless if they can.

With the countless negativities the world brings about, how do we keep motivated? Try on the tips I prepared from A to Z…

A – Achieve your dreams. Avoid negative people, things and places. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

B – Believe in your self, and in what you can do.

C – Consider things on every angle and aspect. Motivation comes from determination. To be able to understand life, you should feel the sun from both sides.

D – Don’t give up and don’t give in. Thomas Edison failed once, twice, more than thrice before he came up with his invention and perfected the incandescent light bulb. Make motivation as your steering wheel.

E – Enjoy. Work as if you don’t need money. Dance as if nobody’s watching. Love as if you never cried. Learn as if you’ll live forever. Motivation takes place when people are happy.

F – Family and Friends – are life’s greatest ‘F’ treasures. Don’t loose sight of them.

G – Give more than what is enough. Where does motivation and self improvement take place at work? At home? At school? When you exert extra effort in doing things.

H – Hang on to your dreams. They may dangle in there for a moment, but these little stars will be your driving force.

I – Ignore those who try to destroy you. Don’t let other people to get the best of you. Stay out of toxic people – the kind of friends who hates to hear about your success.

J – Just be yourself. The key to success is to be yourself. And the key to failure is to try to please everyone.

K – keep trying no matter how hard life may seem. When a person is motivated, eventually he sees a harsh life finally clearing out, paving the way to self improvement.
L – Learn to love your self. Now isn’t that easy?

M – Make things happen. Motivation is when your dreams are put into work clothes.

N – Never lie, cheat or steal. Always play a fair game.

O – Open your eyes. People should learn the horse attitude and horse sense. They see things in 2 ways – how they want things to be, and how they should be.

P – Practice makes perfect. Practice is about motivation. It lets us learn repertoire and ways on how can we recover from our mistakes.

Q – Quitters never win. And winners never quit. So, choose your fate – are you going to be a quitter? Or a winner?

R – Ready yourself. Motivation is also about preparation. We must hear the little voice within us telling us to get started before others will get on their feet and try to push us around. Remember, it wasn’t raining when Noah build the ark.

S – Stop procrastinating.

T – Take control of your life. Discipline or self control jives synonymously with motivation. Both are key factors in self improvement.

U – Understand others. If you know very well how to talk, you should also learn how to listen. Yearn to understand first, and to be understood the second.

V – Visualize it. Motivation without vision is like a boat on a dry land.

W – Want it more than anything. Dreaming means believing. And to believe is something that is rooted out from the roots of motivation and self improvement.

X – X Factor is what will make you different from the others. When you are motivated, you tend to put on “extras” on your life like extra time for family, extra help at work, extra care for friends, and so on.

Y – You are unique. No one in this world looks, acts, or talks like you. Value your life and existence, because you’re just going to spend it once.

Z – Zero in on your dream and go for it!!!

“Kick the can and see what happens”,

larry@contentedaging.com

Hi Friends,

The holidays are fast approaching along with the stress that they brind into our lives.  Here are a few tips on how to cope with that stress and still enjoy the family and the holidays.

With Christmas just around the corner, many people are racking their brains trying to figure out what gifts to give to everyone. Finding the time to shop on top of all the other daily stresses we encounter just adds to our dilemma. (No, I am not going to try and sell you products here or give you gift ideas.)

Holidays bring about their own added stress with all the shopping and party going that must be done.  For some it is the straw that breaks the camels back so before it arrives we must be prepared to cope with it.

Stress is an inevitable part of life. We will never be able to get rid of it completely. In fact, you wouldn’t want to get rid of it completely because, believe it or not, stress is also good for you. Stress revs up our internal engines and makes us ready to take action. The problems arise when we don’t take care of the situations at hand.  This keeps our engines running but we are not going anywhere. Life is not meant to be lived as a Formula 1 Race.

Lily Tomlin once said, “Some people say life is a rat race.  If we take that attitude, then even if you win, you are still a rat”.

Life doesn’t have to be a rat race.  We can learn to live with stress as we learn to allow balance into our lives.

How can we cope with stress?
The first step in coping with stress is to be sure that we get enough sleep.  This is the first area that people fail in.  They feel that because there is so much to do they need to cut back on sleep in order to get more time in their day. This is a never-ending devil’s circle because the less sleep we have the more tired we are and the less able to cope and then the more stress we feel.

Dealing with stress does not depend on the quantity of time we have but on the quality. If we are well rested we are clear headed and able to come up with solutions to our problems. If we are overtired we will accomplish little and keep going in circles.

Try and find a balance in your sleep cycle. Go to bed the same time each night and get yourself into a routine that your body can count on.

So rule #1  Get more sleep.

Rule #2 Eat a balanced diet.

What does diet have to do with stress?  Everything!  Our bodies need to run as a well tuned engine.  If we feed it crap you will feel like crap.  You need a balanced diet with fruits and vegetables and lots of water to keep running well.

Rule #3 Stop Procrastinating

Procrastination is the biggest stress producer. If you don’t have time to tackle your problems all at once at least put aside some time each day to work on a part of the problem.  Take care of it in little chunks and before you know it the problem is gone.

A Mountain is moved one stone at a time. Start moving your stones and you’ll get rid of your mountain.

Rule #4 Manage Your Time Effectively

Just like money, time also must be budgeted.  You only have so many hours in a day and they must be used judiciously. Balance here is the key.  Make sure to take some time to work, deal with problems and relax.

You must be sure to include relaxation time for yourself, even if it is only 15 minutes a day.  Add it to your schedule and make sure you take this time for yourself.  Even if you must go to your room and lock the door to get it, be sure to do it.

There are many things you can do to relax and get your mind at ease.  Simple things such as a walk outside can help restore frazzled nerves and give you time to reflect on your life.  Other choices would be a nice, warm bath, or a quiet spot where you can meditate.

Mediation does not have to be anything grand or complicated.  Just find some quiet time and let all cares out of your mind.  Think of nothing for 15 minutes.  I find it easier to imagine a black screen in front of me. Every time a thought comes through my mind I remind myself that I do not want to think right now. My black screen is on.   Just do nothing, think nothing, be totally at peace for 15 minutes.  It will do wonders for you.  After you will find that you can think much more clearly. A quiet mind brings about answers that you would never usually think of.

Lastly, the effects stress will have on you is dependant upon the way you react to it. Stress is like the bully at school who keeps coming around to taunt you. You can let him have your candy or you can stand up and do something about it. The choice is yours.

May the upcoming holiday season be a blessed and joyful event in you and your family’s life.

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference

Hope this helps,

larry@contentedaging.com

Hi Friends,

Worry is such a good topic I just had to post on it.  All we need to do to get some worry fodder is watch the TV  news.  Worry is something we do about something we have no control over. I just made that one up, but it’s true.

Worrying never solved anything so let’s learn how to deal with worry.

We all experience some stress in our lives every day, but if you find yourself worrying so much that you’re losing sleep and having a hard time concentrating at work, then it is time you took action. Worry and fear are powerful emotions, and if left untreated they can often lead to anxiety and even depression.

The first thing to remember is that just as a seed cannot grow without soil and water to nourish it, your anxiety cannot grow without you feeding it. Anxiety is caused by an intense fear or worry about a possible outcome. These are the thoughts that are running unchecked through your head. The only way to control your anxiety is by controlling your thoughts.

You can begin by thinking back to other times when you worried about something. Did the fear come true or was the worry groundless? How much time have you wasted agonizing over something that never came about? It’s okay to have a little anxiety, everyone does. It’s when the worry begins to control your life that it has become a serious problem.

Worry has never solved anything. Because worry is a form of fear and intense fear can paralyze us, anxiety can actually make us fear making a decision and prevents us from solving the problem. Instead, we just keep running the same negative possible outcome over and over through our heads. Our fear actually creates additional fear.

If there is something wrong, then you need to focus on fixing it instead of worrying about it. If it can’t be fixed, then worrying about what might happen tomorrow accomplishes nothing except spoiling today. Worry on its own has never fixed anything.

Anxiety can become a vicious cycle that feeds itself. The only way to overcome the anxiety is to overcome the fear, and this is accomplished by changing your thought process. Rather than having a mind full of fear, fill it with hope and favorable outcomes. Events seldom turn out as terrible or as wonderful as we imagine they will. Our thoughts tend to the extreme while life is usually somewhere in the middle.

Concentrate on the positives and when you feel any negativity creeping into your thought process, push it away and go back to the positives. It is like a tug-of-war, either you control your anxiety or your anxiety will control you. Start with small issues and work your way up to larger ones, always picturing a positive outcome. Once you can keep these positive results in mind, you then need to begin taking positive action to make them come about. The cure for anxiety begins as a thought and then works its way into a positive action.

If you are carrying around a lot of worries, you need to either let some of them go or get yourself bigger shoulders.

Accepting powerlessness is tough, but constant worrying is even worse.

Larry@contentedaging.com

Hi Friends,

How many of us at times in our lives have chased the elusive goal of Perctionism?

Either to please another person or to fill some empty gap we created in our own lives. Let’s talk about this:
What is Perfectionism? Perfectionism is defined as a meticulous drive to attain excellence. A perfectionist is one who has this characteristic.

‘Perfectionism’ is a most prevalent belief in our civilization. Notice that I used the word ‘belief’.

Everywhere in this world of ours, perfectionism is regarded as good and desirable while imperfection is deem as bad or negative. Everybody wants everybody else to be perfect. Bosses want their employees to be flawless on the job. Parents want their kids to be the best. Perfectionists want their work and themselves to be perfect.

Since it is so strongly regarded as being positive, is Perfectionism really an absolute or universal value? In my opinion, it is not so.
To me, it is relative and is born of human conception. Perfection is an idea. It is an idea of a perceived ideal state of affair. However, things are the way they are. For every circumstances, the truth is what is at each instance. Perfection and imperfection are therefore merely attached values.

I am not suggesting that perfectionism is not good. I am suggesting that perhaps perfectionism can cast a controlling net over our expression of happiness. One can reach the required goal with or without being a perfectionist. To be a perfectionist, on the other hand, leave very little room for one to accept and love oneself unconditionally when a desired goal is not met. And when our desires are not met, we feel unhappy or cannot be fully satisfied. However, the truth is we only have each moment of the Present Moment to live in. By being perfectionist, our mind will be forever planning and thinking about the future or lamenting about what went wrong in the past. Because of these tendencies, many perfectionists are unable to feel satisfaction because in their perception they never seem to do things good enough to warrant that feeling of contentment.

I was reading an article the other day and it reminded me of my life travel.  To be successful you need to be able to fail.  I believe life is opportunities to make choices and some of those choices can lead to failure.

However, please don’t let the prospects of failure stop  you from growing.

Thank you for stopping by,

larry@contentedaging.com.

Hi Friends,

You can overcome shyness when starting a conversation with someone new.  Sometimes mentioned as the gift of gab by kissing the Blarney Stone in Blarney Castle – Ireland.

Do you get embarrassed if you have to talk to someone new? Do you find yourself listening but not joining in? Here are 9 simple tips to help you confidently take part in any conversation.

Kissing the Blarney Stone at Blarney Castle in Ireland is said grant you the ability to make coversation the gift of eloquence and, given the abilities of the Irish to talk, who are we to question tradition?

Conversation skills are something many of us wish we had but travelling to Blarney Castle might not work for everyone.

Here are a few tips to help anyone improve their conversation skills.

1. Speak about what you know

In conversation our words betray our knowledge. There is a well known saying “put your brain into gear before opening your mouth” and all of us, at some time, have wished we’d done exactly that. Conversations on subjects we know something about are always much safer.

If you don’t know about a subject, listen and learn, and if you are asked your opinion preface it with “this is something I know little about..” then give an honest opinion. We all have our limitations, and you will be respected for your honesty.

2. Actively Listen

Active listening is one of the main conversation skills. Concentrate on what others say and how they say it. As you listen to the words listen to the variation in the pitch of their voice. See how it changes depending on mood and how the tone and pitch change what’s being said.
3. Watch their Body Language

Watch how others communicate is another major conversation skill. Don’t just listen to what others say, watch their body language and their gestures. If all you do is listen to the words you will miss most of what they are saying.

4. Acknowledge your Errors

One conversation skill often overlooked is admitting an error. We all make mistakes, and if you realize you’ve made a mistake acknowledge it. If you are usnure about a word check if you pronounced it correctly or ask if you used the word in the right context. People accept honest mistakes, however if you are always using long words just to show off they will quickly lose interest.

5. Make Eye Contact with your Audience

An essential conversation skill when listening and speaking is to use eye contact to maintain a connection. It doesn’t matter if you have an audience of one or one hundred, maintaining eye contact keeps them involved. Practice eye contact in a mirror and note what makes you uncomfortable as it probably has a similar effect on others.

6. Smile and Inject a Little Humor

When done well it can lift the tension, or recapture those individuals whos thoughts have drifted away. You will retain the attention of the majority of the group or audience and they will feel more comfortable.

Unless you are a stand up comedian don’t crack jokes. It is much better to tell humorous stories based on your experiences but don’t laugh hysterically at your own stories. Allow others to appreciate them without being embarrassed at your behaviour.

7. Me, Myself, and I

Admit it, there are times you sing to yourself in the shower or the bath and you think of yourself as the next Frank Sinatra or Eva Cassidy. Leave those dreams and opinions in the bathroom! In conversation don’t inflate your own ego by continually talking about yourself.

One often overlooked conversation skill is to involve others, by asking them their opinion and give them a chance to talk. Don’t belittle their opinions, give others the respect you like others to give to you.

8. Get Involved in Social Groups.

Whether that’s a night school drama course, a course to improve your public speaking, salsa lessons or a group or society related to a hobby or your work. Get out there and talk to lots of different people and you will pick up all the conversation skills you need.

9. Practice, practice, practice

Think of a few anecdotes and stories and write them out before you go out. If you have a tape recorder record your stories and listen to them again. Think of the questions you would like to ask others and your answers to the same questions. Now if you are asked you will be able to deliver a more relaxed answer.

Being confident in the company of others is difficult for many. Few have excellent conversation skill and the majority just about cope. As with anything else conversation skills and confident speaking are all about knowledge and experience.

Everyone who has ever lived has a wonderful story to tell. Just, try and listen to one sometime and you will find it is easier to talk about your life story.

Thanks for stopping by,

larry@contentedaging.com